THE ANTIMODEL SYSTEM

WHEN ROLE MODELS DONT WORK; IMRPOVISE

Marhabar guys, are you good or are you bummed out by stress? Don't worry, all is well.

Yesterday (Sunday 24th October) clocked 2 years of the Busyminds project. I am grateful to God for it. And I am grateful to God for you all who have been a part of this project.

To commemorate the grand occasion, I want to share an alternative view of life that helped me figure things out along the way. It is called the Antimodel system. Read, enjoy, subscribe, and share.

THE ANTIMODEL SYSTEM

“People focus on role models; it is more effective to find antimodels - people you don't want to resemble when you grow up"

-Nicholas Nassim Taleb.

We sometimes struggle with attitudes, characters, and habits that threaten to alienate us from peaceful living with other people. These traits like rudeness, vicious anger, impatience, or whatever nasty behavior you can think of, make cohesion difficult than we can imagine for rational beings. We observe this friction and then look for ways to improve ourselves and change those habits and characters. One way we aspire towards betterment is to adopt role models.

You probably know by now that perfection is unattainable. We are only trying to be our best. This is why growth is a better priority than perfection- perfection of character being my main point (not 'practice makes perfect' kind).

Role models are as common as air. We adopt them either overtly or subtly in a bid to attain an ideal. Role models come in various forms and sizes. Celebrities are role models to some people. Clergies are role models to others. Everyone chooses a role model based on their subjective desires. There is no specific category of people who are ordained to be role models. We adopt role models because the models have something we want, and an ideal we aspire to. In essence, I only choose a role model because I want to be like them. But Mr Taleb sees otherwise, and I have recently shared his sentiment.

Speaking from human nature and Rene Girard's mimetic theory, our fundamental nature is imitation. When we see something we like in or on someone else, we follow the same path to ensure that we achieve the result. Mentorship is grandly yet unknowingly based on this theory. Yet, this is not the only effective way to achieve change in status or habit or character. The 'antimodel' model may be your own way out.

I can tell you on a personal note that the antimodel system is popularly practiced but not popularly spoken of.

The Antimodel concept is to see something that you utterly despise, someone you don't want to be like (or at least share a habit with), and go the other way instead of imitating them. While the role model system requires imitation, the anti model system requires strong avoidance. However, there is a flaw in human nature that makes the antimodel system hard to operate; the flaw of projection.

How the Antimodel System Works

Take this for an example: if you live with someone who doesn't clean up after his/herself after using the toilet, you will most likely be irritated and then react in anger. Although this is a totally understandable response, it is the first in a series of responses that helps the antimodel system to work. But more often than not, we stop at that first response, making the antimodel system hard to render.

The antimodel works first by eliciting a strong negative reaction at something in someone else. You will most likely react with this range of emotions to something or someone else; anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, disgust, and betrayal. As I said earlier, this is an indication that it is time to activate your antimodel system. But with our big flaw, we halt here, rendering the system ineffective.

The proceeding step after a strong reaction is the introspection and decision stage. It is a step tightly intertwined that you can't do one without the other and not end up as a failed project.

When you see something in someone you don't like, or someone you overall do not like, that is the time to self-reflect and call yourself to action. Let's get practical. Let's see Paul's story

"I grew up with an abusive father who doubled as a drunk. He didn't care for anyone except himself. His daily routine was to wake up, demand food, drink without restraint, and beat up my mother. He was a monster.

I knew at a very young age that I didn't want to be like him. I was also glad that I had no sibling; the man was too monstrous to keep procreating. He threw things (and people) around when having his fit of rage. Everything was a weapon in his hands when a drink was missing. Calling that man father was hell, and it is the closest to Satan I will ever get.

When he eventually killed my mother, I moved out. I went about my life knowing that I had no parents. My journey to adulthood had the imprint at the base of my consciousness that I could be anything on earth. But if there was anyone I didn't want to be like, it was my own biological father who I looked like a lot.

This decision made it possible for me to watch in myself and others for the signs that most resembled Paul sr (my father).

Wherever I saw people raging and drinking without any constraint, I knew that place was not meant for me. I can't remember if I vividly imagined the ideals I wanted. But I clearly knew the things I didn't want to do. And on average, I have become a better husband to my wife, and a great father to my children. I have refused to drink alcohol or even lay a finger on anyone. Even my health speaks to this good lifestyle choice. I am grateful to my father for showing me who I don't want to become."

True to Paul's story, antimodels are powerful for change. But it takes a great deal of inward reflection and real life actions to practise antimodelling. If you don't learn to watch the signs in yourself and others, you wouldn't know how to avoid it.

History Repeats Itself

Human beings don't learn from history. This is because looking inwards to check our own flaws tends to attack the love we have for ourselves. We would rather project on others what we avoid in ourselves to escape dealing with the discomfort in finding out that our self-image is inflated. This makes antimodelling hard.

Without sufficient introspection and the admission that what we detest in others might already be present in ourselves, we will never make the needed change.

Use the Antimodel system for self-development. When you spot something in someone else that you don't like, don't be too embarassed to ask if that thing is present in your being. Fun fact: it most likely is.

Just to break your hearts, there is no universe in play where Paul couldn't have ended up like his father. In fact, the regular traffic of life's gravity shows that it is easier for Paul to be like his father than for him to avoid his father's path. It took deliberate work for Paul to avoid his father's route. The Antimodel system requires real work to work.

Antimodel system in simple terms: observe, reflect, transform.

Till we talk about something else, this is Busyminds newsletter where I encourage you to pursue your intellectual curiostiy. You should subscribe now.